So, this was a post that I started but could never finish. I just don’t know what to say, how to explain it. You know? Anyway… feel free to read.
For some reason when people talk about mental illness, its a made up thing. You would never tell a person with diabetes to just start making insulin. Or tell a person with a brain tumor to just stop growing it. Yet people with depression are told to “suck it up, everyone has hard days” or tell the person with anxiety to just relax. As if it were that easy. It’s not asking a person with anxiety to relax, its the same as telling the diabetic to make insulin. Hell, if they could they would.
I have, ADHD, Autism (Aspergers Syndrome), Anxiety and Manic Depressive Disorder.
I was diagnosed with everything I just listed within the last 4 years. Yes, I went most of my life with no diagnosis. 13 years of pre college school, and 4 years of college with no diagnosis and no medications. No answers and feeling like an outsider who was missing some manual that clearly everyone else had read.
When I was in the first grade we were asked to color a picture for teddy bear then bubble cut it out. It was my first day in that class because I was pulled from the second grade to redo the first grade. I cut my teddy bear out along the lines and then spend the next month with my teddy bear standing out as the only one cut along the lines when everyone else’s was cut out bubble cut style. Our teacher hung all the teddy bears for everyone to see. Yes, to see my mistake.
Thats how I felt most of life. Like a misfit teddy bear desperately trying to fit in.