Why can’t I just lose weight? I want it so bad. I even asked Santa to help me lose weight one year. That’s how long this has gone on.
I have diet Yo-Yoed for nearly about 8 months. WW, Whole30, MyFitnessPal, Low Calorie, I’ve tried it. It’s gotten me nowhere down a little just to gain it mostly back.
The only thing that really worked was Weight Watchers. When I was following it to a Tee, it worked. Weight was coming off fast. But like every other diet, I got bored with the same foods and caved. Fell off the path.
I’m a pattern eater I eat the exact same food for days till I’m so sick of it it’s disgusting to me then I give up and eat fast food.
I wanna change my relationship with food. I don’t wanna think about it ALL DAY LONG! And right now I do. Honestly, my portions are huge, I eat every like 3 hours, and I don’t work out or drink enough water. I’m drowning in soda and stuffing my face with quick easy foods.
I’ve been this way since I moved out on my own in 2015. I don’t enjoy cooking nor am I good at it. It’s gives me anxiety to think about cooking. I hate having the oven on, I’m worried it will cause a fire. So I eat non-cooking required food all day everyday.
I’m also an emotional eater. When I’m stressed I eat. Happy, I eat. Bored, I eat. Angry, sad, tired, eat, eat, eat!
Personally, I think the reason for my weight gain and inability to lose is this. I’m an addict at heart. I do everything with passion. I do NOTHING in moderation. I do everything to the max and never let up. This is why I gave up drinking. I couldn’t handle it in moderation. Something inside me makes me do things so passionately that I can’t tell it no. The only way I’m sober was to eliminate it completely from my life, not even have it in the house.
The problem is I can’t do that with food. I have to have it. So how do I find the stopping point without crossing it? This I don’t know. My brain doesn’t let me. I want to stop but something in me wants one more bite more.
Here is my WHY:
I want to raise kids one day. I’m not equip to teach anyone proper eating habits and if I can’t do that how will I raise kids with healthy eating habits? The answer is I won’t.
30 is around the corner. I’m refusing to go in to the 3rd decade of my life, fat. I’m done wasting years of my life not being the best Kyra I can be. Weight/unhealthy/out of shape is holding me back.
Here is the plan:
I love learning. I have since I was a child. So this is going to be a learning experience. We will practice and practice and slowly master a new subject. That subject is healthy relationship to food.
Weight Watchers is my first step. Like healthy lifestyle training wheels. I will follow it till I reach my goal weight. Learning the good foods from the less tasty, and the healthy from the high point value.
Second step will be a new adventure: Maintain. But that’s for later.
Today is day ONE!
2019: The year I get my life back.